I work with many business owners and leaders who care deeply about their people. I like to think of it as a particularly kiwi thing – we all know even in big ol’ Auckland we are likely to run into someone who knows someone who worked for you, and we want to have a clear conscience! Generally we like to be fair, kind and do the right thing. Am I right?
Most of us try very hard to be a good employer.
However – and who saw this coming? – the longer I work running an HR agency, the more I see that some of the hardest people problems for business owners don’t come from bad intent or poor values. Serious problems come from good intentions that stay in place far too long.
How hesitation quietly creates bigger problems
If I was to reflect on these stories, I would say that hesitation is probably the first sign that things aren’t what they should be. Does any of this sound familiar?
- A performance issue that’s obvious, but never quite addressed.
- A difficult conversation that keeps getting postponed.
- A role that no longer fits, but everyone hopes will somehow work itself out.
From the outside, this can look like empathy. From the inside, it feels somewhere between unease and total frustration. And the fact is, the longer these situations linger, the more complicated they become. Other teams or individuals notice and culture and morale are quickly under fire. Resentment quietly builds and the issue becomes harder to name and attend to, not easier.
When kindness becomes unfair to everyone else
What started as an attempt to protect someone’s dignity can end up creating uncertainty for everyone else. I don’t think this happens because leaders lack courage. In my experience, it happens because leaders are trying to hold competing responsibilities at once: care for the individual, fairness to the team, and the long‑term health of the business as well as managing an unpredictable economy, supply chain issues and weather that could derail everything overnight! None of this is easy, especially if you are also a conflict-avoider/peace-at-any-price kind of person.
Why clarity matters more as organisations grow
Consider this: as organisations grow, being a good employer stops meaning “be nice whenever possible”. It starts meaning “be clear, proportionate, and timely”, even when that feels uncomfortable. Anyone who reads my blogs regularly knows I am a Brene Brown fan. One of the most useful maxims from her teaching is “clear is kind; unclear is unkind”. [Dare to Lead, Brene Brown]
I woul dsay this is especially true right now. Many organisations are operating under real pressure. Decisions carry more weight and mistakes are costlier. There’s less margin for drifting and hoping things resolve themselves. In fact ignoring people issues and hoping your niceness will somehow make them go away feels about 10 years out of date now. in 2026 avoidance doesn’t reduce harm. I would say it usually redistributes or even magnifies it.
The shift experienced leaders eventually make
One of the quiet shifts I see in more mature leadership teams is a willingness to talk things through earlier. Not to rush to action, but to test their thinking. They ask, “What happens if we don’t address this?” as well as “What happens if we do?”. This is the way to get ahead of the damage and frustration that the drift of kindness and the mis-interpretation of what a good employer looks like.
It is bringing out into the open that no decision is also a decision. It looks like conversations that tend to be steadier than the ones held months later, when options have narrowed and frustration has set in.
Being a good employer doesn’t mean avoiding hard moments. It means handling them with care and clarity, before they grow teeth.
When it’s useful to talk things through
If any of this feels familiar, you may find it useful to talk it through. We work with leaders who are navigating these kinds of people decisions and want a steady, experienced sounding board. If this resonates, I invite you to book time with me to talk it through. We might have some useful support options for you, and if we don’t, I will certainly have some people I can refer you to that might. Tackling these issues together will help us all rise.
